so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
