You smell like a Billy Joel song
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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