The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
