I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this will be a night to untag.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My ass is underappreciated
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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