I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
