so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
