Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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