you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
