so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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