dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
