girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
