Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize