Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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