So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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