is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
