who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
