I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
