Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
