the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
