4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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