nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
