I just pynch a tree in the face
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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