yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
