just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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