I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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