the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
