6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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