doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize