Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
