More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
