Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
