before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
