The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
