I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
