I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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