i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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