youre lurking in front of me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
