...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
