There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
