The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
