i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
