She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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