Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
