i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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