i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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