Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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