Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...