You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.