You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception