I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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