Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
