I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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