Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
