I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
