Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
