I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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