i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
