i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I supernannyed him into submission
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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