That's intense
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
