I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
