You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
