3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
