Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
