I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
