grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
