I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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