I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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