Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
