You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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