home. puking in laundry basket.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
