forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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