Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
