Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
