someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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