btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
